Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
~ Jack Handy
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
~ Stephen Wright
To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
Dorothy Parker is one of my favourite writers: she knew how to hold her liquor, but not her tongue …
I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true.
There’s a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I hate writing, I love having written.
Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.
She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
Lady make note of this —
One of you is lying.
You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
And if my heart be scarred and burned,
The safer, I, for all I learned.