Here are more of my favourite wine and drinking quotes. Thanks to everyone who has e-mailed or shared their favs on Twitter and Facebook! This is really getting to be quite an inebriating selection. You can find round one of quotes here, and round three here.
Let me know if you’ve got another one to add.
A woman was sipping a glass of wine while she was sitting on the patio with her man. She says, “I love you so much, I don’t know if I could ever live without you.”
Her guy asks: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
She replies: “It’s me, talking to the wine.”
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
The Buffalo Theory of Drinking: A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But it naturally attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few drinks.
- Cliff Claven, Cheers
The difference between a drunk and an alcoholic is that a drunk doesn’t have to attend all those meetings.
- Arthur Lewis
I don’t like people who take drugs… Customs men for example.
- Mick Miller
I think I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
- Rodney Dangerfield.
Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with booze.
- Robin Williams
I know I’m drinking myself to a slow death, but then I’m in no hurry.
- Robert Benchley
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
- W.C. Fields
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?
- Henry Youngman
Domaine Romanee-Conti is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.
- Robin Williams
Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.
- Catherine Zandonella
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is wine. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
- Dave Barry
Alcohol isn’t habit forming. I should know, I’ve been drinking it for years.
- Tallulah Bankhead
There’s nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.
- John Ciandi
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
- Humprey Bogart
Actually it only takes me one drink to get drunk. The trouble is I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.
- George Burns
I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde
I got so wasted one night I waited for the Stop sign to change, and it did.
- Steve Krabitz
Wine improves with age: the older I get, the better I like it.
Wine is like beer except different.
- George W. Bush
Champagne, if you are seking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while a lie detector is only a challenge to lie better.
- Graham Greene
Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter;
Sermons and soda water the day after.
- Lord Byron
Penicillin cures, but wine makes people happy.
- Alexander Fleming
Give me wine to wash me cleanof the weather-stains of care.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I only drink Champagne when I’m happy, and when I’m sad. Sometimes I drink it when I’m alone. When I have company, I consider it obligatory. I trifle with it if I am not hungry and drink it when I am. Otherwise I never touch it – unless I’m thirsty.
- Lily Bollinger
I drank a bottle of wine for company. It was Château Margaux. It was pleasant to be drinking slowly and to be tasting the wine and to be drinking alone. A bottle of wine was good company.
- Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises
Burgundy makes you think of silly things, Bordeaux makes you talk of them and Champagne makes you do them.
- Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, “Dude, you have to wait.
- Mitch Hedberg